In more then one way it would seem!
So a bit of the bad news. I have not been keeping well up on my diet while it has not started to show yet I expect it to soon unless I shape up. (I really need to!) The gym however has been rather good to mean getting a personal trainer even has been a huge help learning how to use the machines in more of a proper way to get the results I want. Sadly no news on the job front either and with the holidays dying down I don't think many places will be looking for help.
However in other news. I have found a freeshard of an old MMORPG I played in the past. Dark ages of camelot was a game I played in my early high school days however kind of died out during a few of the expantions that came out for it. If any readers would like to join me I will post a link at the end. I am normaly in the uthgard teamspeak channel 12-13 and I am playing on the Hib side as my bard Damiix or my mentalist Ticktickdead. (yes I know those dirty hibs) However for those who do read I look forward to playing with you or hearing from you!
http://www.uthgard.net/
Friday, January 3, 2014
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Holiday Check-up
So I have been kind of bad about going to the gym and keeping up on such things on here. However as I slowly expand the amount of people I tell my project about the more support I seem to get which I am thankful for. However as I got back to the gym for the first time in like a month I weigted myself again. While I have gone down a few pant sizes I have only weighed myself down to 222. Only two pounds in such a long peroid of time just sad. I am kind of dissapointed with myself and I need to get myself more displenced with this stuff.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Seeing a fund raiser
While I have no intention of attempting it myself. It really makes me happy to see so many people support people like me in times where they are unable to provide for themselves to get what would make them feel complete or when the world treats them unfairly because of the choices they made in life.
However I find it reassuring that there are people who support the choices we make. It gives me the courage to keep trying and going forward with my own goals. However my issue right now is I am lacking in money so much right now I can't afford to replace the sweatpants I was useing for the gym with a pair that is not ripped. I have been working out in jeans which is not comfortable at all. The job hunt has not been going well either the area I am seems to be completely dry job wise it is rather depressing. With no money to go anywhere else I can only hope to find something while relay on my family to support me till then.
However I find it reassuring that there are people who support the choices we make. It gives me the courage to keep trying and going forward with my own goals. However my issue right now is I am lacking in money so much right now I can't afford to replace the sweatpants I was useing for the gym with a pair that is not ripped. I have been working out in jeans which is not comfortable at all. The job hunt has not been going well either the area I am seems to be completely dry job wise it is rather depressing. With no money to go anywhere else I can only hope to find something while relay on my family to support me till then.
Friday, October 18, 2013
End of the first week
Sadly I did not workout as much as I would have liked to. My partner in such was sick today so we are putting it off till Saterday. However I did weigh myself and I think I'm at a very mangeable weight. Much less then I expected anyways only at 224. If I can drop 20 pounds by next year I think I would be very happy with myself.
However things on the other end are not so well either. I decided against telling my dad this soon into it because frankly I don't know how he would take it. As well as I thought I would be more at ease with everything after comign to terms and being open with atleast some people about how I feel. But, honestly I feel even worse now. I'm worried that I won't be able to find insurance to cover it or a job that will keep me employed while I transcent in it. I feel much like I started in this even though I am on the right track. I have still a long way to go and not having a job still is being on of the key problems I am having at the moment.
However things on the other end are not so well either. I decided against telling my dad this soon into it because frankly I don't know how he would take it. As well as I thought I would be more at ease with everything after comign to terms and being open with atleast some people about how I feel. But, honestly I feel even worse now. I'm worried that I won't be able to find insurance to cover it or a job that will keep me employed while I transcent in it. I feel much like I started in this even though I am on the right track. I have still a long way to go and not having a job still is being on of the key problems I am having at the moment.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
The first day in a -long- journey
I'm not really sure how to begin this besides at the beginning. To really understand the full scoop I will have to go a few years back and give a little past history on me.
I've been a bit of a closet woman for about as long as I can remember. The male society never held any intreast and I never really fit it anywhere it would seem. I found female characters always more intreasting to not only read about to even play in RPG's and table top gaming and the such for a very long time. I became aware of it frist right around towards the end of high-school when I became active in a larp. I never got the same sadifastion from playing as I think I would have if I was the other gender strangly enough. However there it never really bothered me. I figured I just prefered storys about characters and just small fanasties in my mind that it was all just a small little harmless things.
As the years gone on however I started to feel myself detaching more and more from the real world and falling into this fake persona of mine I have created online. Of course of which I was a woman, not out of malice or to get special treatment or even to be gross with some strange sexual desires. I honestly felt better about myself when people spoke to me as such and addressed me as someone of that manner. Since then I have even enjoyed the harsh words being called a bitch all the way up to complaments of being told I am very momnternal (sp?)
However I never considered this to be even an option in real life society. That anything transgender would be completely shunned and looked down on. I can't say I blame my upbringing however I feel a bit of it does come from where I was born and the small townness of it all.
But, as the years drug on my crushing depresstion and real life detachment has gotten nothing but worse. To the point I would sun burn just by standing a few hours outside nor could I stand to be away from my computer for more then a few hours if I was not sleeping. I lost my job, I moved back in with my parents, almost lost my car, and lost many friends during all of this.
This all changed however the weekend of Oct 2th where another of my my good friends even if I have never meet her appoached me about transgender. Asking my why I have not considered it and that it is infact affordable and attantable with enough drive. Even as far as to show me what monder treatments would look like on people. I really have never been so uplifted in my life not only to be seeing results of something I have always wanted to badly but that it could also be made to look good. Then to top it oof I was able to speak to someone who is doing to same process I would take part of. She encouraged me to research it and see if it was right for me.
After looking into it for the past few days I have decided it is infact something I want. However it is a long journey to even start the treatment. Here I am five days after my choice in this. I have talked to many friends who all have been extermly supportive about this so far. One has even gone as far as to meantion that she used to refer to me as "That guy would totally be bff's if he were gay/girl" as well as "You always seemed to try so hard to be another one of the guys." Will this really just inspired me even more as I feel it is a reflection of what she saw that was in me not what I was born as.
The road is still long however. I am just taking the first steps onto it. So if you wish to follow this mans transcetion into a woman please follow away. As this is only week one. My to do list is still very large and my goals are very high. However I have never felt so driven for something in my life before.
Speaking of steps weighted in at the gym I am currently 224 I would like to atleast lose 40 pounds before I start this if not more. As well as I will require a job to pay for this treatment. So applying for many places right now however the job market here is not so good. But, I remain hopeful even if it is to go back to working at a clearance store or workiing fast food. Something to pay for the insurance.
That is all for now. Had a very heathly lunch and dinner and hope to begin jogging with as I will refer to her from now on. "Cosplay Girl". So join me in this world of hopes, spelling errors, and grammer mistakes maybe I can give courage to someone who is scared of it as well. It would be the least I could do for the woman who gave me the courage to.
I've been a bit of a closet woman for about as long as I can remember. The male society never held any intreast and I never really fit it anywhere it would seem. I found female characters always more intreasting to not only read about to even play in RPG's and table top gaming and the such for a very long time. I became aware of it frist right around towards the end of high-school when I became active in a larp. I never got the same sadifastion from playing as I think I would have if I was the other gender strangly enough. However there it never really bothered me. I figured I just prefered storys about characters and just small fanasties in my mind that it was all just a small little harmless things.
As the years gone on however I started to feel myself detaching more and more from the real world and falling into this fake persona of mine I have created online. Of course of which I was a woman, not out of malice or to get special treatment or even to be gross with some strange sexual desires. I honestly felt better about myself when people spoke to me as such and addressed me as someone of that manner. Since then I have even enjoyed the harsh words being called a bitch all the way up to complaments of being told I am very momnternal (sp?)
However I never considered this to be even an option in real life society. That anything transgender would be completely shunned and looked down on. I can't say I blame my upbringing however I feel a bit of it does come from where I was born and the small townness of it all.
But, as the years drug on my crushing depresstion and real life detachment has gotten nothing but worse. To the point I would sun burn just by standing a few hours outside nor could I stand to be away from my computer for more then a few hours if I was not sleeping. I lost my job, I moved back in with my parents, almost lost my car, and lost many friends during all of this.
This all changed however the weekend of Oct 2th where another of my my good friends even if I have never meet her appoached me about transgender. Asking my why I have not considered it and that it is infact affordable and attantable with enough drive. Even as far as to show me what monder treatments would look like on people. I really have never been so uplifted in my life not only to be seeing results of something I have always wanted to badly but that it could also be made to look good. Then to top it oof I was able to speak to someone who is doing to same process I would take part of. She encouraged me to research it and see if it was right for me.
After looking into it for the past few days I have decided it is infact something I want. However it is a long journey to even start the treatment. Here I am five days after my choice in this. I have talked to many friends who all have been extermly supportive about this so far. One has even gone as far as to meantion that she used to refer to me as "That guy would totally be bff's if he were gay/girl" as well as "You always seemed to try so hard to be another one of the guys." Will this really just inspired me even more as I feel it is a reflection of what she saw that was in me not what I was born as.
The road is still long however. I am just taking the first steps onto it. So if you wish to follow this mans transcetion into a woman please follow away. As this is only week one. My to do list is still very large and my goals are very high. However I have never felt so driven for something in my life before.
Speaking of steps weighted in at the gym I am currently 224 I would like to atleast lose 40 pounds before I start this if not more. As well as I will require a job to pay for this treatment. So applying for many places right now however the job market here is not so good. But, I remain hopeful even if it is to go back to working at a clearance store or workiing fast food. Something to pay for the insurance.
That is all for now. Had a very heathly lunch and dinner and hope to begin jogging with as I will refer to her from now on. "Cosplay Girl". So join me in this world of hopes, spelling errors, and grammer mistakes maybe I can give courage to someone who is scared of it as well. It would be the least I could do for the woman who gave me the courage to.
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